Deacon Branson Hipp has a post up on Those Catholic Men about theThe Trap of Man Culture. In the post, he critiques the concept of lists that are prevalent in self-improvement blogs. One such list is the so-called bucket list where a person tries to list all the things he would like to do before he dies. In general, such lists are harmless and they actually might force you to live a more interesting life here and now, but they can also distract you from what is really important in life.
What is really important in life? Is it collecting a certain number of experiences? Making a certain amount of money? Of course, this is a very personal question so there is no right or wrong answer. One thing is clear though, varied experiences and great wealth do not seem to confer happiness. Robin Williams led a life that most people can only dream of. He was wealthy; he was loved by millions; he had interesting work that was constantly changing from project to project, but he also suffered from depression.
Recently, my grandmother passed away. She didn't have much in the way of material possessions. She was not well-traveled or well-educated. From a purely worldly perspective, she might be viewed as a failure, but she was deeply loved by her family and she died with her children and grandchildren around her. My grandmother was also fortunately in that she was able to receive the Sacrament of the Sick before passing. What could be a better ending to a life? To know that you are loved by your family and to have the consolation that you will be with God after death?
Whatever else you may do, focus on your relationship with God and your family. This way you will be a success even if you fail at achieving those other, more ephemeral goals.
Friday, September 5, 2014
Sunday, August 31, 2014
Is Chivalry Opposed to Game?
It is no secret that women prefer "bad boys" over nice guys. Even as a teenager, I noticed that girls would pick a guy with a poor character over someone who exhibited signs of romantic affection. In my high school there was a beautiful girl who was also an A student. She could have dated pretty much any guy in the school, yet she chose to get knocked up by a short, bald, burnout who looked like Neanderthal man. Frequently, girls marry these low-quality men, but later regret it and get divorced or they just date one bad boy after another for years. Either way, when it comes time to settle down, they look for some nice guy to accept them with all their baggage. Nobody wants to be the guy who a woman marries just because he is safe provider. This observation has led many in the manosphere to discard being a nice guy in favor of becoming one of the bad boys.
To this end, many bloggers in the manosphere teach the concept of "game" which translates to the techniques of the bad boys. For example, game means that you don't let on that you really like a girl. Rather, the man should adopt an attitude of being aloof. Taking it further, since most bad boys just want to get into a girl's pants, the advocates of game similarly think that men should adopt the "screw 'em and leave 'em" mindset. You still might end up marrying a woman who has lots of baggage or you might not ever get married, but at least you have had fun in the process of getting there.
The problem with game, at least, in its extreme form of "fuck 'em and leave 'em" is that it flies contrary to the nature of many men. I don't recall being taught the concept of chivalry by my parents, but I had a natural inclination to treat women with respect. What do I mean by chivalry? It was about more than opening doors and giving up your seat on the bus. For me it meant living a life according to an unwritten code of honor. In meant that I believed in true love -- that I would find a woman that I loved and who genuinely loved me and that we would commit to each other "for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part." Chivalry also meant fighting evil if it should arise and protecting one's family and country even if it meant laying down one's life. I don't think I am unusual in this regard. Most young men have this noble mindset only to have it beaten out of them by the harsh realities of our modern culture.
The problem is that our culture has degraded to such an extent that it has spent the last 60 years actively mocking the concept of chivalry and goodness. Women (and men) are encouraged to be promiscuous, but promiscuity destroys chivalry. The celebrities that are held up to us are not noble or good -- frequently they are the basest sort of characters. The whole concept of equality is intended to destroy any differences between the sexes upon which the concept of chivalry is based. Not surprisingly, many men, seeing that chivalry is a losing proposition, have adopted game so that they can compete in this new world.
It is true that some aspects of game are opposed to chivalry. If you are out in the dating world and your only goal is to bed as many women as possible, don't kid yourself. You are not being chivalrous. I had a friend who started out as a shy guy who wasn't successful at dating women adopt game and then he went on to sleep with dozens of girls using the schtick that he was a nice guy. In truth, he was no longer a "nice guy" but he had become an active contributor to the decaying culture, and that is the opposite of chivalry. Chivalry means restoring the culture even when you feel like you are the only one swimming against the current.
But is chivalry actually opposed to all aspects of game? To answer this question, we need a better definition of chivalry that the vague definition I gave above. Chivalry is a lot more than just opening doors for women or falling in love with a girl. Chivalry is, in fact, a warrior ethos of the Middle Ages. French historian Léon Gautier summarized the tenets chivalry as follows:
Looking over these principles, your real question may be not whether chivalry is opposed to game but whether chivalry is even possible in this day and age. Chivalry is not only possible in our time, but that it is very much alive and that certain men are called to this lifestyle. But to answer the original question, chivalry is not opposed to certain aspects of game. That is, it is possible to be chivalrous and still be successful with women if you define success as being able to easily win a girlfriend or a worthy spouse.
In the upcoming blog posts I will unfold what real chivalry means today and how it can be compatible or incompatible with game.
To this end, many bloggers in the manosphere teach the concept of "game" which translates to the techniques of the bad boys. For example, game means that you don't let on that you really like a girl. Rather, the man should adopt an attitude of being aloof. Taking it further, since most bad boys just want to get into a girl's pants, the advocates of game similarly think that men should adopt the "screw 'em and leave 'em" mindset. You still might end up marrying a woman who has lots of baggage or you might not ever get married, but at least you have had fun in the process of getting there.
The problem with game, at least, in its extreme form of "fuck 'em and leave 'em" is that it flies contrary to the nature of many men. I don't recall being taught the concept of chivalry by my parents, but I had a natural inclination to treat women with respect. What do I mean by chivalry? It was about more than opening doors and giving up your seat on the bus. For me it meant living a life according to an unwritten code of honor. In meant that I believed in true love -- that I would find a woman that I loved and who genuinely loved me and that we would commit to each other "for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part." Chivalry also meant fighting evil if it should arise and protecting one's family and country even if it meant laying down one's life. I don't think I am unusual in this regard. Most young men have this noble mindset only to have it beaten out of them by the harsh realities of our modern culture.
The problem is that our culture has degraded to such an extent that it has spent the last 60 years actively mocking the concept of chivalry and goodness. Women (and men) are encouraged to be promiscuous, but promiscuity destroys chivalry. The celebrities that are held up to us are not noble or good -- frequently they are the basest sort of characters. The whole concept of equality is intended to destroy any differences between the sexes upon which the concept of chivalry is based. Not surprisingly, many men, seeing that chivalry is a losing proposition, have adopted game so that they can compete in this new world.
It is true that some aspects of game are opposed to chivalry. If you are out in the dating world and your only goal is to bed as many women as possible, don't kid yourself. You are not being chivalrous. I had a friend who started out as a shy guy who wasn't successful at dating women adopt game and then he went on to sleep with dozens of girls using the schtick that he was a nice guy. In truth, he was no longer a "nice guy" but he had become an active contributor to the decaying culture, and that is the opposite of chivalry. Chivalry means restoring the culture even when you feel like you are the only one swimming against the current.
But is chivalry actually opposed to all aspects of game? To answer this question, we need a better definition of chivalry that the vague definition I gave above. Chivalry is a lot more than just opening doors for women or falling in love with a girl. Chivalry is, in fact, a warrior ethos of the Middle Ages. French historian Léon Gautier summarized the tenets chivalry as follows:
- Believe the Church's teachings and observe all the Church's directions.
- Defend the Church.
- Respect and defend all weaknesses.
- Love your country.
- Show no mercy to the Infidel. Do not hesitate to make war with them.
- Perform all your feudal duties as long as they do not conflict with the laws of God.
- Never lie or go back on one's word.
- Be generous to everyone.
- Always and everywhere be right and good against evil and injustice.
Looking over these principles, your real question may be not whether chivalry is opposed to game but whether chivalry is even possible in this day and age. Chivalry is not only possible in our time, but that it is very much alive and that certain men are called to this lifestyle. But to answer the original question, chivalry is not opposed to certain aspects of game. That is, it is possible to be chivalrous and still be successful with women if you define success as being able to easily win a girlfriend or a worthy spouse.
In the upcoming blog posts I will unfold what real chivalry means today and how it can be compatible or incompatible with game.
Monday, February 24, 2014
Fighting Beta
Are alpha males born or does environment have a role to play? Is it nature or nurture that turns us into alphas or betas? In the animal world, the answer is nature--it is genetics. Beta wolves and beta chimpanzees can’t blame their environment for their beta level--they have the same environment that the alphas have. They eat the same food and get the same amount of exercise. Wolves and chimpanzees don’t lift weights or take martial arts so the fact that some males are stronger and better fighters is only attributable to genetics.
What about humans? Is alpha or beta maleness the result of nature or nurture? The bad news is that genetics plays a large role. Take pajama boy. Pajama boy is a beta. There are certain things that pajama boy can do to mitigate his beta status. For example, if he is intelligent, he can start a company and become financially successful. If he is financially successful, he will still be able to attract women, but there is no doubt he is a genetic beta.
Most of us fall in somewhere in between overwhelming genetic alpha (say Schwarzenegger) and overwhelming genetic beta (say pajama boy) so what differentiates the men in the middle? Genetics still play a role but humans have something that animals do not--free will. We can chose to do things that increase our alpha characteristics or fail to do things which will render us more beta.
Of course, there are some obvious things that make us more alpha or more beta. As I mentioned above, keeping fit and learning to fight obviously makes us more alpha. But there are also many small things that we do every day that tilt us in one direction or another. It could be something as simple as laziness that keeps us from actualizing our full potential. We have to fight our beta tendencies on a daily basis.
I had a example of this last Friday. A good friend of mine (who happens to be my accountant) invited me to attend a lecture on investing with him on Saturday morning. Now, I really relish my weekends. I wake up early during the week so the thought of waking up early on Saturday was not appealing. To make matters worse, the weather forecast for Saturday morning included high winds and sleet. I really wanted to cancel, but I felt bad about canceling on my friend.
To help me make a decision, I asked myself, “would it make me feel more alpha or more beta to cancel?” The answer was immediately obvious. If I canceled, I would have enjoyed sleeping in, but I would have felt more like a beta. Life is too short to live like a beta, so I immediately made the decision to purchase the ticket.
I went to the lecture on Saturday morning and it turned out to be the right decision. It was a good investment in a valuable friendship and I also learned some valuable things about investing. However, the most important lesson I learned is that I need to consciously choose to do things that actualize my potential and avoid the inertia that would frustrate it.
What about humans? Is alpha or beta maleness the result of nature or nurture? The bad news is that genetics plays a large role. Take pajama boy. Pajama boy is a beta. There are certain things that pajama boy can do to mitigate his beta status. For example, if he is intelligent, he can start a company and become financially successful. If he is financially successful, he will still be able to attract women, but there is no doubt he is a genetic beta.
Most of us fall in somewhere in between overwhelming genetic alpha (say Schwarzenegger) and overwhelming genetic beta (say pajama boy) so what differentiates the men in the middle? Genetics still play a role but humans have something that animals do not--free will. We can chose to do things that increase our alpha characteristics or fail to do things which will render us more beta.
Of course, there are some obvious things that make us more alpha or more beta. As I mentioned above, keeping fit and learning to fight obviously makes us more alpha. But there are also many small things that we do every day that tilt us in one direction or another. It could be something as simple as laziness that keeps us from actualizing our full potential. We have to fight our beta tendencies on a daily basis.
I had a example of this last Friday. A good friend of mine (who happens to be my accountant) invited me to attend a lecture on investing with him on Saturday morning. Now, I really relish my weekends. I wake up early during the week so the thought of waking up early on Saturday was not appealing. To make matters worse, the weather forecast for Saturday morning included high winds and sleet. I really wanted to cancel, but I felt bad about canceling on my friend.
To help me make a decision, I asked myself, “would it make me feel more alpha or more beta to cancel?” The answer was immediately obvious. If I canceled, I would have enjoyed sleeping in, but I would have felt more like a beta. Life is too short to live like a beta, so I immediately made the decision to purchase the ticket.
I went to the lecture on Saturday morning and it turned out to be the right decision. It was a good investment in a valuable friendship and I also learned some valuable things about investing. However, the most important lesson I learned is that I need to consciously choose to do things that actualize my potential and avoid the inertia that would frustrate it.
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