What is important in life?

Deacon Branson Hipp has a post up on Those Catholic Men about theThe Trap of Man Culture. In the post, he critiques the concept of lists that are prevalent in self-improvement blogs. One such list is the so-called bucket list where a person tries to list all the things he would like to do before he dies. In general, such lists are harmless and they actually might force you to live a more interesting life here and now, but they can also distract you from what is really important in life.

What is really important in life? Is it collecting a certain number of experiences? Making a certain amount of money?  Of course, this is a very personal question so there is no right or wrong answer. One thing is clear though, varied experiences and great wealth do not seem to confer happiness. Robin Williams led a life that most people can only dream of. He was wealthy; he was loved by millions; he had interesting work that was constantly changing from project to project, but he also suffered from depression.

Recently, my grandmother passed away. She didn't have much in the way of material possessions. She was not well-traveled or well-educated. From a purely worldly perspective, she might be viewed as a failure, but she was deeply loved by her family and she died with her children and grandchildren around her. My grandmother was also fortunately in that she was able to receive the Sacrament of the Sick before passing. What could be a better ending to a life? To know that you are loved by your family and to have the consolation that you will be with God after death?

Whatever else you may do, focus on your relationship with God and your family. This way you will be a success even if you fail at achieving those other, more ephemeral goals.

Fighting Beta

Are alpha males born or does environment have a role to play? Is it nature or nurture that turns us into alphas or betas? In the animal world, the answer is nature--it is genetics. Beta wolves and beta chimpanzees can’t blame their environment for their beta level--they have the same environment that the alphas have. They eat the same food and get the same amount of exercise. Wolves and chimpanzees don’t lift weights or take martial arts so the fact that some males are stronger and better fighters is only attributable to genetics.

What about humans? Is alpha or beta maleness the result of nature or nurture? The bad news is that genetics plays a large role. Take pajama boy. Pajama boy is a beta. There are certain things that pajama boy can do to mitigate his beta status. For example, if he is intelligent, he can start a company and become financially successful. If he is financially successful, he will still be able to attract women, but there is no doubt he is a genetic beta. 

Most of us fall in somewhere in between overwhelming genetic alpha (say Schwarzenegger) and overwhelming genetic beta (say pajama boy) so what differentiates the men in the middle? Genetics still play a role but humans have something that animals do not--free will. We can chose to do things that increase our alpha characteristics or fail to do things which will render us more beta. 

Of course, there are some obvious things that make us more alpha or more beta. As I mentioned above, keeping fit and learning to fight obviously makes us more alpha. But there are also many small things that we do every day that tilt us in one direction or another. It could be something as simple as laziness that keeps us from actualizing our full potential. We have to fight our beta tendencies on a daily basis. 

I had a example of this last Friday. A good friend of mine (who happens to be my accountant) invited me to attend a lecture on investing with him on Saturday morning. Now, I really relish my weekends. I wake up early during the week so the thought of waking up early on Saturday was not appealing. To make matters worse, the weather forecast for Saturday morning included high winds and sleet. I really wanted to cancel, but I felt bad about canceling on my friend. 

To help me make a decision, I asked myself, “would it make me feel more alpha or more beta to cancel?” The answer was immediately obvious. If I canceled, I would have enjoyed sleeping in, but I would have felt more like a beta. Life is too short to live like a beta, so I immediately made the decision to purchase the ticket. 

I went to the lecture on Saturday morning and it turned out to be the right decision. It was a good investment in a valuable friendship and I also learned some valuable things about investing. However, the most important lesson I learned is that I need to consciously choose to do things that actualize my potential and avoid the inertia that would frustrate it.